In all of my life, I didn’t know it was really possible to *dare to imagine* the level of intimacy, honesty, and raunchy hot sex I have with my partner, my delicious & wonderful Englishman. No one talks about how amazingly hot a committed, monogamous, deeply communicative relationship can really be, or how there is a mental door that simply shuts to anything that could infringe on the beauty of it.
I witness story after story — and have lived it myself — of individuals needing to have sexual and emotional needs met (important needs, vital needs, life-giving needs) outside of a primary relationship. That was me, too, in my previous relationship. I am unapologetic. I sought out necessary ways to meet those needs. I also witness lots of stories about opening up relationships or swinging, and so on. And that’s great if that’s what those couples need, by all means! There is no judgement here, I promise. But I am afraid by what I’ve seen happen to some of those relationships — the undermining of trust that sometimes develops over time, the fissures that are so subtle at first, but that sometimes widen enough to destroy the foundations. Or sometimes it is simply the fact that the core relationship was never strong enough in the first place to provide for the needs for intimacy, deep trust, communication, and nurturing that is possible.
I just want to comment that in this relationship, I am learning about the depth of connectedness that emerges from protecting that central core of togetherness, communication, and love — and even about cultivating an emotionally intelligent vigilance for that protection. This is what commitment is really about, isn’t it? A certain protection? A certain vigilance? We are making such a deeply emotionally & sexually safe space for each other that when we do hit patches of vulnerability, we are able to talk about it, lean into each other instead of pulling away (instinctual for both of us), ask for what we need, and ultimately, cherish this gift all the more. I have never dared to open myself up like this. It was never possible before. It is now. And I am so ridiculously grateful, I’ll fight for it.
Your blog is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for taking time with it, and for collecting the words and images carefully, and adding your musings in time with their original intent. Quite the breath of fresh air you have here! -- The Merrylanders
Thank you so very much! I truly appreciate comments like that, as I can’t ever really know what kind of impression my words or thoughts or choices of images might make. XO
“Have sex. Have dirty, raunchy sex. Have sex in the bed, on the counter, in the car, in the bathroom. Have it everywhere. Have passionate love making sex. Fuck. Go slow. Gaze into their eyes. Learn every curve and bump on their body. Learn what makes them quiver. Learn what makes them cum the hardest. Feel their body and fall back in love with them. Just have sex.”—I certainly subscribe to this advice.
“Real love is always chaotic. You lose control; you lose perspective. You lose the ability to protect yourself. The greater the love, the greater the chaos. It’s a given and that’s the secret.”—Jonathan Carroll, White Apples (via namelessin314)
and became like blood in my body.
It rushed through my veins and
encircled my heart.
Everywhere I looked,
I saw one thing.
Love’s name written
on my limbs,
on my left palm,
on my forehead,
on the back of my neck,
on my right big toe…
Oh, my friend,
all that you see of me
is just a shell,
and the rest belongs to love.”—Rumi (via fuckyeahrumi)