Secret Boudoir

My secret room for all things sensual

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Why I am a lucky lady.

In all of my life, I didn’t know it was really possible to *dare to imagine* the level of intimacy, honesty, and raunchy hot sex I have with my partner, my delicious & wonderful Englishman. No one talks about how amazingly hot a committed, monogamous, deeply communicative relationship can really be, or how there is a mental door that simply shuts to anything that could infringe on the beauty of it.

I witness story after story — and have lived it myself — of individuals needing to have sexual and emotional needs met (important needs, vital needs, life-giving needs) outside of a primary relationship. That was me, too, in my previous relationship. I am unapologetic. I sought out necessary ways to meet those needs. I also witness lots of stories about opening up relationships or swinging, and so on. And that’s great if that’s what those couples need, by all means! There is no judgement here, I promise. But I am afraid by what I’ve seen happen to some of those relationships — the undermining of trust that sometimes develops over time, the fissures that are so subtle at first, but that sometimes widen enough to destroy the foundations. Or sometimes it is simply the fact that the core relationship was never strong enough in the first place to provide for the needs for intimacy, deep trust, communication, and nurturing that is possible.

I just want to comment that in this relationship, I am learning about the depth of connectedness that emerges from protecting that central core of togetherness, communication, and love — and even about cultivating an emotionally intelligent vigilance for that protection. This is what commitment is really about, isn’t it? A certain protection? A certain vigilance? We are making such a deeply emotionally & sexually safe space for each other that when we do hit patches of vulnerability, we are able to talk about it, lean into each other instead of pulling away (instinctual for both of us), ask for what we need, and ultimately, cherish this gift all the more. I have never dared to open myself up like this. It was never possible before. It is now. And I am so ridiculously grateful, I’ll fight for it.

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